So many of us don’t quite live the lives we have been dreaming of. From time to time, you acknowledge this, then put its thought away, just getting on with your life. We tend to face our difficulties after we experience a cruel deception, another pointless argument, one more physical or mental abuse. You tend to stay alone after such a hard day with your thoughts. Again. When you are silent on the outside but raging inside, and no one can see, or help.
There comes a time when you cannot lie to yourself anymore. Because there’s no way to escape anymore. Your soul has burned all the old routes because there’s only so much it can take. And you are weary of knowing the old scenarios just too well. When you gather your strength to face reality, you may understand what made you stay for months or even years in a relationship that doesn’t suit you or satisfy you. Because you are afraid to be alone.
Perhaps you are afraid you won’t find someone better. You could be afraid of staying alone forever. Chances are, you are codependent. But being lonely is a lot worse than being alone. These two states, however, have not much in common. Someone alone isn’t necessarily lonely, as opposed to many who are in relationships that feel lonely. Feeling lonely in a relationship is a drudgery, still, numerous people decide to live their entire life like that.
They usually come up with excuses like kids, family, or age. And they stay in their old, usual, believed to be safe, but pathetic lives. Sadly, it leads to a point where they cannot pretend they are happy anymore. Being alone is not as scary as putting up with it. Feeling lonely while you are alone or with someone can destroy you.
But change always comes, either you initiate it or life causes you to do so. If you are stuck in such a situation, change can take longer. If you initiate change, you are taking your power back by putting aside your fears, doubts, and you overcome any negative voice in your head that might be the result of your bringing up. You are only focusing on what brings the desired result then.
If you are feeling lonely in your relationship, you should inform your partner about it. If you both want to and make the effort to change this dynamic, you should continue your relationship by learning from your mistakes. If you are the one who wants change more, or both of you realize you need it, but you cannot find a way that works for both of you, it may not be the best relationship for you. It is best to move on before you are burned out.
But you are afraid of making closure and what comes after. What if you get even more lonely alone? I believe it is worthwhile to experience everything. To be alone for a bit longer and to form close social circles, to do your business and work for someone else. The more experience you have, the wider your viewpoint becomes, and you become wiser. It is also a big plus to get to know yourself deeply. You can develop a lot alone if you so choose.
In a relationship, you might share tasks between you, according to the traditional way. Men prefer technical and more physical chores and women prefer domestic chores. However, living alone teaches you to overcome challenges on your own, even if it’s a masculine task, like putting together heavy DIY furniture for women. Men may hate washing up or cleaning, yet they do it or hire someone.
You do almost any task because no one else completes them instead of you. Even though it can put big pressure on you at times, you develop tremendously in the process. These tasks not only enhance your abilities and willpower but also provide you with high self-esteem and a sense of freedom you probably couldn’t experience in your relationship. Now is the time to lay a stronger foundation for a future connection!
When you become self-reliant living alone, you could also take better responsibility for your life. Especially if you haven’t had the chance earlier. You will be solely responsible for all your decisions and moves in life. If something doesn’t happen the way you wanted, you cannot blame others anymore. Living alone also makes you see it clearly that if you don’t truly live the way you want, you won’t find the solution outside of yourself, but within.
It is easier to hold your partner accountable for both of your responsibilities than assume responsibility. In both harder and easier decisions… But when you live alone and you don’t do your best, no one else will. All the tasks you keep postponing, and all your wrong decisions will be yours to correct. On a positive note, you can learn a lot from living alone, taking full responsibility for your life. It can also help you improve your relationships with others.
It is human nature to start appreciating things more when we don’t have them anymore. We tend to focus so much on what’s missing from our lives that we forget about the good things we already have. We could take it for granted if someone awaits us at home or we can discuss everything with someone who loves us the way we are. After separation, there’s a sense of emptiness. These valuable experiences vanish suddenly.
But you should always be looking at the sunny side. Perhaps you weren’t meant to be together, and life reserves you someone who can be a better match for you… These experiences all make you grow, and you could evolve into a person who appreciates what others do for you more, who easily shows affection, and values the smallest gestures, support, and the closest people in their life. And it best works if there’s mutuality.
Two things can happen. You either choose to become a victim of your life, thinking there’s no way out of being alone. This is the sure way downhill. Your self-esteem can drop significantly, and seeing yourself that way, others won’t think much of you either. It leads to self-criticisms, anger, anxiety, shame, guilt, and depression. A better choice is to learn to enjoy life when seemingly there’s nothing to enjoy. Happiness is an inner decision, it should not depend on outer circumstances.
Not only get to know yourself in such depth you wouldn’t have the chance in a relationship, but you also learn that things won’t always happen the way you’d like. You learn to adapt to different people, and that those differences aren’t necessarily bad. You have to face who you are, both strengths and limits. You can rebuild your character based on your newly found values. To be alone isn’t a disaster, it’s a blessing when you find you are extraordinaire.
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